Born again on Christmas Day

Bernadette Foley

I am a special needs school teacher living in Whangamata

This is from my diary dated December 26th 1987. It  shows the struggles I faced as a teenager and my conversion back to God.

I am lying on the bunk of the  Nelson cottage on holiday . I went to midnight Mass with Cath and Kevin and literally cried all the way through.

In the centre of the altar there was a large cross with Jesus hanging there. It was so real. I visualised his death and his presence was so close.

My life has been in a black period. It stems from going to university. I rejected the morals and values of my family and God. 

My Summer spent working in Paihia, saw the complete break.  I smoked and drank excessively.  I had a serious relationship with a boy named David.

In three months I had turned my back on Bernadette Sullivan.  The foreigner in my body came back to Christchurch a stranger.

Inside a war began. The hippie chained me to not eating and I went down to under 40 kgs.

I finally started to eat and went back to drama. I continued university although each day was a nightmare of a battle. The cold froze through my bones. Fear like the angel of death hovered always over me. 

The fighter in me was determined not to give up. The year ended. The panic in me was still there when I returned to Paihia for the Summer.

I came back to Christchurch still confused and plagued with irrational fears. I considered myself to be the village eccentric. I could not handle home so went flatting.

 I no longer want to poison my life like I used to.  I feel like I have been born again on Christmas Day.  I am like Mary Magdalen, a real sinner. I feel that the Lord is going to work through me and  guide my life.

Fast forward 36 years and God is still central in my life. I find God in nature and marvel at His creation.  I love living in Whangamata at Tui Manor and soaking up the beauty of the Coromandel. I love being married to Mike and would not like to live without him.  He is my best friend and soulmate. I love my beautiful four adult children Anna, Catherine, Juliette and David.

That encounter at Midnight Mass changed the course of my life from darkness to light. Alleluia.