The Gift that keeps on Giving!

Mike Doolan

I am a cradle Catholic of Irish stock from Ikamatua, raised and educated in Christchurch, a social worker by profession, and a husband, father of 3 and grandfather of 6. The faith in which I was schooled never really transcended routine practices until exposure to Catholic charismatic renewal in the 1970’s, when my heart began to join with my brain in understanding God’s interaction with his people. I was in my late 70’s when admitted to Christchurch Hospital with severe abdominal pain. It was close to Christmas day 2021, and my entire family was gathered at our home for the celebrations to come.

Following a morning of explorative tests and scans, I fell asleep in the ward, rousing to a light, but insistent, tapping on my shoulder. A young Doctor had come to relay to me the medical verdict – my illness was untreatable and terminal. This gentle young man talked with me quietly about gaining extra months with chemotherapy if I wished or looking toward end of life palliative care which he could arrange and which he seemed to favour. As he left me, I fell back into sleep, waking sometime later with a memory of a dream that I had had. My nursing staff confirmed it was not a dream - the Doctor’s visit and his message were real!

I clearly remember my first thoughts on hearing this – There was nothing I could do about any of this. I was not in charge! I said to Jesus there and then: Your will, Lord; your will, I am entirely in your hands!

Immediately I felt the gift God gave me. Only later did I gain a word that described it – it was the gift of total abandonment to the will of God. Something that I prayed for in a routine way had come alive for me and amid illness, brought me a great joy that helped me to comfort and console those who loved me, and to have no fear for myself.

Why am I able to tell you this? Surely, I should be dead and not enjoying retirement living with my wife at Nazareth House some 4 years later? One inquisitive Oncologist was unhappy with the diagnosis and scheduled further scans. I had cancer, of that there was no doubt, but not of the type originally thought. This cancer was eminently treatable, and I have been fully recovered for more than 3 years now.

Why does this gift of abandonment “keep on giving”? Because now, whenever I face a serious decision point, I recall what happened, and can say, from the bottom of my heart: “Not my will Lord, but Yours be done”, safe in the knowledge that what he can do surpasses anything I am capable of.