God’s Willing and Humble Servant

Trish Bachelor

I am a wife, mother and grandmother, recently retired from professional life as a chartered accountant, business advisor and independent director.

When I was 10 years old, my happy childhood took a big hit. My Dad, who loved me, my sisters and Mum dearly, had been my constant mentor. Dad became ill, and was hospitalised.

I overheard my mother late one evening explaining to a close relative that the illness was terminal. I kept this information to myself, but the pain and misery I felt was inescapable. Mum told the hospital staff that she did not want Dad to be told the truth about the expected short duration of his life ahead.

From that time onwards I prayed constantly that Dad would not die. He received hospital treatment. I stayed close to him whenever I could, and Mum nursed him 24/7 during the next eighteen months. Then when he was hospitalised for the last six months of his life, she sat by his beside day and night. I was devastated when a close family member came to us to break the news we did not want to hear. Dad had died.

My heart was broken. I sobbed for hours upon hearing the news. Then I came to a decision that my childhood was over. I needed to take Dad’s place as head of our little family. I wanted and needed to support my Mum (who was a seriously depressed widow at the age of 35) and my two younger sisters.

As time went on, I continued to pray, but it was difficult. I felt anger against God. Surely a loving God would not have taken our father from us? However, I decided to give God a chance.

I was a reader, from an early age, and had been reading adult books for a couple of years by the time Dad died. I had read pretty much all the books available in the state school library, and would beg the librarian to let me know when new books came in.

We moved from the farm to the city when I was fifteen years old. I visited the Christchurch Public Library regularly after school, looking in books for the answers. As I recall, authors from those days that I picked up and read included Francois Mauriac, John of the Cross, Gerard Manley Hopkins, Michael de la Bédoyère, John Henry Newman and Thomas Merton.

Mum had enrolled us in Catholic schools in Christchurch. I attended Sacred Heart College for my form five year, and studied hard for the school certificate examinations. I had already formed an intention by November that year that I would leave school and find a job, in order to support our family financially. My tertiary education would have to wait. My religious education and mathematics teacher took an interest in me, and knowing I was a keen reader, made all the books of Irish Catholic authors available for me to take away to read, bless her soul.

Towards the end of that year, it was announced that a retreat was to be held for the form five students. In the first week of December, I had the benefit of silence and contemplation at the retreat. I was beginning to realise that I needed to make a paradigm shift from reasoning things out, to a mature faith and trust in God. I decided that, following Mass in the afternoon on the final day, I would seek spiritual direction from the priest who led the retreat. I waited until the last remaining student came out of the confessional, and then I went in. That wonderful priest was very patient and spent an hour with me. I came out and knelt down at the front pew of the Cathedral. I was completely at peace. My anger had disappeared.

After several minutes I opened my eyes and saw what seemed like a very bright light beside the altar. God spoke to me very gently, indicating that this was the time for me to consider the plan he had for my life. He showed me two straight lines, crossing each other. The long road would lead me to heaven, while the short line would take me into the highways and byways of life. He indicated that I was completely free to choose which road I would take. I committed myself to the long road that day, in complete faith and trust.

Jesus has walked alongside me all these years, and the Holy Spirit has always been there to encourage me. When I look back now, I appreciate the gifts and charisms that the Holy Spirit has blessed me with. Through me Jesus reaches out to touch people that have sought God’s comfort, love and compassion at a difficult time in their lives, as well as to those who are searching for the answers to life’s big questions.

I continue to travel life as God’s willing and humble servant.